We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think my moral compass just broke
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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