around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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