This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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