i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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