I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
