there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
