today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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