i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
