Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
