I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
