I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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