OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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