There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
COCAINE IS GR8
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
