I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
