nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
