Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i think i just lost a toe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
