I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
