At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
