Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
