What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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