THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
