We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Panties = found
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
