once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
