Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
