I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
