David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
whose parrot is this?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize