Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
