Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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