I didn't shave. On purpose
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
