I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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