Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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