Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
