I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
