I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
