so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
