I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
