So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
