if i can run in heels then i can drive
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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