spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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