Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont even know how to be here
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
