So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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