There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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