And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
