I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
