ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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