What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
