could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
