I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
