1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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