weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
