he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
