I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
