i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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