Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
