So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your cock deserves a montage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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