Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
