She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
