Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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