I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
