I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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