am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
