Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
